In recent months, we’ve seen a trend gather pace among families where the parents are separated. We suspect that it relates to changing work patterns.
Previously, the practical realities of work and family life have often meant that when parents separate, one of them becomes the primary carer for their child(ren). However, there’s lately been a noticeable trend for people – in particular, fathers (or mothers) who were not originally the primary carer post-separation – to ask for a shift to more equal co-parenting arrangements.
There's no evidence that this is the result of changes to people's work and childcare arrangements during Covid-19, but we do know that flexible work patterns can make it easier to take a co-parenting role. We also know that some people enjoyed assuming a more active parenting role during the pandemic.
Let's suppose that your own family is discussing a switch to equal co-parenting;what should you bear in mind?
1. Children come first
Any arrangements must work for your child(ren), and their own views should be taken into account.
2. Paper trails are useful
How you make any changes may depend on whether your current arrangements were negotiated informally, through solicitors or decided by a court. Your solicitor can advise on this. But even when agreeing changes informally, it’s wise to document any discussions or decisions in case there are later disputes or differences of memory.
3. The new normal vs the next normal
Most people agree that some degree of virtual and hybrid working is here to stay, but can we really be sure that regular business trips or burning the midnight oil in the office are gone forever? Children tend to need and prefer stable parenting arrangements and schedules, and it is far from ideal to insist on a co-parenting role that you may not be able to sustain.
4. Tread carefully around emotions
It's fantastic if both parents want to be actively and constructively involved in family life, but beware of reviving old tensions if your original residence and contact discussions were fraught. Remember that the current primary carer may feel undermined, the children anxious or other family members sceptical. Some empathy and/or mediation may be needed!
Alison Mckee, Partner and Head of Family Law
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