In an ideal world separating couples would skip happily into the sunset, having resolved their issues amicably over the kitchen table with a minimum of distress. Unfortunately, even with the best will in the world, the reality is that for some, there are such divisive and emotive issues involved that all attempts at informal negotiation fail. This can lead to stalemate and increasing bitterness.
However, it may be reassuring for couples to know that there are a number of ways in which you can resolve the deadlock.
So what can you do if you simply cannot speak directly to your ex-partner?
1 Find the least emotive way of communicating
This is usually by email rather than face to face. Keep correspondence factual, to the point, and of course, civil. You should concentrate on moving forward and addressing practical issues rather than engaging in point scoring – sometimes easier said than done when emotions run high.
2 Enlist the services of a third party
Trained mediators can be found through Family Mediation or CALM and they can help you find common ground and work towards a solution in a confidential and respectful environment.
3 Utilise your solicitor to negotiate on your behalf
Putting matters on a more formal footing can be helpful, especially when there is an imbalance in the parties’ relationship. A solicitor can redress the balance if one person feels bullied, or under financial pressure, for example. Negotiation can be effective either using traditional methods, with solicitors exchanging formal letters and documents, or it can be by way of collaborative law, in which all discussions take place in the presence of both parties and their collaboratively trained solicitors at meetings. Collaborative practice in particular allows individuals to feel fully engaged in the decision making process.
4 Consider arbitration
Arbitration is a relatively new way of resolving family law disputes. It can be helpful when there is a single issue of principle between parties preventing overall agreement such as the value of a matrimonial asset or the amount of aliment (or maintenance) which should be paid. An arbitrator is a specially qualified solicitor or advocate.
If any or all of these methods fail or are not appropriate for your circumstances, then the only recourse will be the court room. A court action can be undoubtedly stressful and expensive, but an experienced solicitor should be able to guide you as smoothly as possible through choppy waters.
Contact a member of our Family Law team who will be able to offer expert advice and have considerable court room experience, both on their feet in the Sheriff Court and working with counsel in the Court of Session.
