The main object for most divorcing parents is to cause as little stress and upset as possible to their children. Unfortunately that can be easier said than done when people are thrust into a volatile and novel situation. Here are some guidelines for parents to consider:
1. Children love both parents and should not be drawn into adult discussions about failing relationships or parental faults. It is distressing and upsetting for a child to hear a parent use derogatory or belittling language about someone who is still loved by a child. Children should not be burdened in this way. Children should not be pressurised into taking sides against a parent- remember that children often simply say whatever they think a parent wants to hear, to try and please that parent.
2. Children are not chattels owned by one parent or the other. Any rights that parents have in relation to children are there to allow them to exercise their responsibilities to their children. One parent does not have rights which trump those of the other parent. Simply because a child lives for the majority of the week with one parent does not give that parent the right to unilaterally change agreed arrangements or make major decisions about schooling or any other matter.
3. Parents must always act in the best interests of their children - what you want may not be what is in the best interests of your children, or what your children would want.
4. Parents need to reassure their children that the divorce was not their fault and that both parents still love them. It is the job of a parent to explain what is happening and the practicalities of any changes.
5. Parents need to communicate with each other in relation to child care and put aside any personal bitterness. No matter how difficult there needs to be a working relationship to deal with the inevitable on-going stresses of child rearing- you remain parents for the rest of your children’s lives.
Remember that divorce can often have benefits - if parents are happier, then children are often happier. Any tensions can be diffused making a more relaxed home environment, and that must be good for all concerned.
If anyone wishes to discuss any of these issues in more detail a member of our family law team would be happy to assist.
