A few legal precautions can make it easier (and cheaper) to navigate the twists and turns of relationships and family life
In our opinion, one of the most misleading phrases in English literature is ‘And they lived happily ever after’. A few lucky people get to experience this in real life, but it is risky to view it as the norm.
Life can be full of twists and turns and it is sensible to try to protect against them. Straightforward legal arrangements such as cohabitation agreements, prenuptial agreements and postnuptial agreements can protect your assets – and even your relationship. They are also generally cheaper than dealing with disputes after the event.
The best way to illustrate this is through one person’s
(hypothetical but typical) story. Let’s call her Marina.
The first flat
Marina is in her late 20s. Thanks to a healthy savings habit and a small legacy from her grandmother, she is able to buy a one-bedroom flat – described by her parents as a ‘doer-upper’.
Soon afterwards, her partner Matt moves in and they share
the bills. On the advice of her parents, who don’t want him to have a claim on
the flat if the relationship sours, they enter into a cohabitation agreement. It’s
quickly and easily done.
The second flat
In fact, the relationship goes from strength to strength, and they decide to buy a bigger flat together, with Marina paying the deposit and both paying the mortgage.
Again, they enter into a cohabitation, covering scenarios such as what would happen if they split or one of them died. It’s an awkward conversation initially, but they’re also happy that everything is transparent and understood – as are their families.
The split
Move on a couple of years, and their aspirations around children, travel and social life don’t seem to marry up. Reluctantly, they agree to split; but amidst the sadness, they’re relieved about one thing: the cohabitation agreement.
Having already agreed what will happen to the flat, it’s
easier to move on, physically and emotionally. As agreed, Marina stays in the property
– an outcome that may not have been possible without the agreement.
The marriage
A few more years later, Marina is a successful self-employed consultant, and she and her new partner, Andrew, decide to marry. Like Marina, Andrew has assets and a good savings habit, so they enter into a prenuptial agreement.
As with Marina’s earlier cohabitation agreement, they find it helpful to have their aspirations, concerns and options out in the open. It’s certainly not a case of pessimism, as one of Marina’s friends unhelpfully suggests.
A couple of years after the marriage, Marina incorporates
her business, and Andrew wants to change career, so they enter into a
postnuptial agreement reflecting those changes.
The separation and divorce
Fast forward a decade, and Marina and Andrew have two children, two successful businesses, and two houses. But for various reasons, their marriage hits a wall and they decide to split.
Unlike their best friends Adam and Amy, who are going through a horribly adversarial and expensive divorce, the prenup and postnup mean Marina and Andrew already know how they will divide their assets. As a result, the financial settlement is relatively easily done.
It seems a natural step to apply the same collaborative
approach to other aspects of the split. With the help of lawyers experienced in
Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), they do their best to resolve amicably
any differences of opinion about residence, contact and maintenance
arrangements for the children.
And what next?
Post-divorce, Marina and Andrew are still searching for eternal love. Whether they will find it, we don’t know, but they’re navigating the bumps in family life pretty well.
Thanks to their postnup and the way they approached the divorce, issues around the children are resolved constructively, and neither considers the financial arrangements unfair.
It’s a far cry from Adam and Amy’s difficult co-parenting relationship.
If you ask Marina about Matt and Andrew, she’s sad the relationships didn’t last. But she also believes the journey has been made easier by the legal agreements they put in place. Amy is definitely going to do the same once she finds a new partner.
To return to the main contents of lindsays life issue 17, please click here.
