Christmas often means an increase in tension between separated or divorced parents, when the usual dates and times for contact don’t work. Arrangements which can be managed for the rest of the year are thrown into chaos by holidays, parties and visiting relatives on both sides of the family.
The holidays tend to put extra pressure on all families, and even more so when the parents don’t live together. Children can be stuck in the middle of arguments between Mum and Dad, making what should be a happy time, completely miserable. Good planning is crucial to a happy festive period, so if you are separated these are the things you should be thinking about now.
Act now
Start to discuss your Christmas plans with your ex as early as you can to avoid last minute disagreements - if you wait until December there may not be time to get arrangements in place.
It’s also worth taking into consideration family traditions and be prepared to compromise around your priorities as individuals and as a family to ensure mutual agreement is reached.
Look at the practicalities
Is it logistically possible for your children to split Christmas Day between you both? Or would it be too difficult from a travelling perspective? Assess travel times and costs, and the energy you and your children are likely to need to carry out your plans.
It is also worth considering an alternative plan in case of bad weather and hazardous travelling conditions: how will you agree on whether or not travel is safe, what happens in the case of cancelled trains or closed airports, what alternative arrangements can be planned if bad weather makes contact impossible?
Ask the children
How do the children feel about how they spend their time at Christmas? Is splitting the day itself important to them, or would they prefer to spend blocks of the holiday season with each of you? They may want to agree to split their Christmas Day between you, or prefer to have the full day with each of you on alternate years. They may even be the key negotiators, and you could consider putting differences aside if they place a lot of importance on what they want to do at this time of year.
Consider spending it together
Do you still get along well enough that you could both be present when the children open their presents? Children who keep in touch with both parents tend to adjust better to separation than those who don’t. If you are able to amicably discuss the arrangements and share even part of the day it is a great example to set your children. Another good idea to avoid disputes is to discuss a budget and possible presents for the children with the other parent in advance.
Think about the bigger picture
Agreeing how your children are going to be looked after and brought up, how they are going to spend their time and maintain healthy relationships with both of you is the most important thing that you can do for your children if you separate.
Our specialist family law team can give you help and advice about making plans for your children after separation, at Christmas or any other time of year, so get in touch for more information.
