Jude’s attitude is sensible
Jude Law has announced that he is expecting a baby with his ex-girlfriend and the birth is imminent. The press release said that he and his baby’s mother are no longer together but fully committed to raising their child. Fans of the actor will also be aware that he remains on good terms with his former wife Sadie Frost and the pair recently got together at a celebration for their son’s 12th birthday.
While Jude Law has the glamour of a Hollywood lifestyle and all of the gossip column interest in his sometimes colourful love life, his attitude to modern family relationships is both sensible and refreshing. He may no longer be with the mothers of his children romantically but he is still parenting with them.
The modern family
A modern family looks very different to the traditional family unit of the 1950s. Many couples nowadays no longer feel the need to marry. There are same sex marriages and more step families with around 42% of marriages ending in divorce these days. Many children divide their time between households and may share living space in both with step parents and half siblings.
Regardless of how you choose to organise your personal life, if you have children with a former partner you would do well to take a leaf from Jude Law’s book in your dealings with your ex when it comes to the children. Try very hard to keep lines of communication open and let your children know that regardless of the fact your family unit now looks different, their parents still love them and are able to show one another courtesy and respect.
Parents are encouraged to agree the arrangements
In Scotland, the law provides that the court should only intervene in cases where the best interests of the child mean it is better for the child that a court order is in place than no order. The courts try to encourage parents to let their child enjoy time with each of them. It is far better for the child if the parents can work together and make contact arrangements that allow the child to spend time with both parents freely and without fear of upsetting the other parent.
A separation is stressful for the parents and the children. The more animosity and conflict there is between the parents the harder the situation will be for the child. The ending of a relationship does not end responsibility as a parent. There are of course relationships that end due to domestic violence and other serious problems like drug or alcohol abuse and for families dealing with these issues, often the court is the only option to ensure the best interests of the children are protected. For many other families, there may be very good reasons for the relationship breakdown and many reasons for both parties to feel hurt, angry and aggrieved at the other. These difficulties the parents face in their relationship with one another does not mean that one of them should no longer enjoy a relationship with his or her children.
Communication and reassurance will help your children
It is important that the children know that both parents still love them and that they can continue to enjoy a relationship with both parents. Both parents must try to avoid criticising the other in front of the children – that is what friends and a bottle of wine are for. Try to avoid unnecessary arguments – if contact has an agreed start and end time, stick to what has been agreed and if something unexpected happens that means you will be late then make sure you telephone. Often arrangements will need to be flexible because of the needs of the children – try to maintain lines of communication so that any changes to arrangements can be dealt with sensibly.
Parents know their own children best and are the people best placed to make decisions about their children’s welfare. How the parents handle childcare arrangements post separation will directly affect how the children cope with the situation. Parents want their child to grow up healthy, happy and well adjusted. There is no reason that a child of separated parents should turn out any differently to a child whose parents stay together – just take a look at Jude Law’s example.
If you would like any more information please contact a member of our Family Law team.
