Parents have never been short of instructions on how to parent. There are examples going right back to Roman times – some of them sensible (boosting children’s confidence by praising them), others less so (applying snail slime to their eyelashes to straighten them).
Much more important than the state of your children’s eyelashes is knowing how to behave as a parent (or carer) if you’re going through relationship difficulties or breakdown. In an exclusive BBC interview on Sunday 24 July, Sir Andrew MacFarlane, head of family courts England and Wales discussed his belief that too many family law cases looking to resolve child-related matters ended up in court when the separating parents should try to sort it out themselves first.
Jennifer Gallagher, Partner in our Family Law team, suggests some options that parents should consider to try and resolve child-related questions out of court.
Parents are advised to:
- talk to each other and make every effort to agree about how they will bring their children up, including after separation
- encourage their children to have a good relationship with both parents
- use help such as mediation if they can’t agree arrangements themselves.
Jennifer also offers some commonsense advice such as not making derogatory comments on social media sites if they disagree with the other parent’s approach.
The view that agreements between parents work better than court-imposed orders fully chimes with our own experience. Alternative Dispute Resolution methods (ADR) such as mediation and collaboration are nearly always the better option.
Not only does ADR pave the way for a more constructive
co-parenting relationship in future, it also offers a more flexible range of
outcomes than are available from the courts. So, take notice of the Sheriff
Court’s guidelines – they’re good advice.
Keep the heat on low
It’s not just parents who should aim for constructive dialogue in legal proceedings relating to children, it’s also their lawyers. A regular factor in divorce or separation becoming adversarial is lawyers who turn up the heat on a situation.
To be sure, you want a lawyer to be firm on your behalf, but too much aggression may not protect your interests. Beware of lawyers who prefer combat and court to collaboration. And be prepared too for a good lawyer to be firm with you as well – if you tell them to take your ex-partner to the cleaners, they may well advise against it.
