When parents are making arrangements for children after separation or divorce, the legal system expects certain levels of behaviour from them. It’s advice worth heeding
Parents have never been short of instructions on how to parent. There are examples going right back to Roman times – some of them sensible (boosting children’s confidence by praising them), others less so (applying snail slime to their eyelashes to straighten them).
Much more important than the state of your children’s eyelashes is knowing how to behave as a parent (or carer) if you’re going through relationship difficulties or breakdown. Glasgow Sheriff Court has published guidelines for parents who are involved in Court proceedings relating to their children, and they’re a useful reminder to parents of the need to try to resolve all child-related questions out of court.
They ask parents to:
- talk to each other and make every effort to agree about how they will bring their children up, including after separation
- encourage their children to have a good relationship with both parents
- use help such as mediation if they can’t agree arrangements themselves.
They also provide some commonsense advice such as not making derogatory comments on social media sites if they disagree with the other parent’s approach.
The view that agreements between parents work better than courtimposed orders fully chimes with our own experience. Alternative Dispute Resolution methods (ADR) such as mediation and collaboration are nearly always the better option.
Not only does ADR pave the way for a more constructive co-parenting relationship in future, it also offers a more flexible range of outcomes than are available from the courts. So, take notice of the Sheriff Court’s guidelines – they’re good advice.
Keep the heat on low
It’s not just parents who should aim for constructive dialogue in legal proceedings relating to children, it’s also their lawyers. A regular factor in divorce or separation becoming adversarial is lawyers who turn up the heat on a situation.
To be sure, you want a lawyer to be firm on your behalf, but too much aggression may not protect your interests. Beware of lawyers who prefer combat and court to collaboration. And be prepared too for a good lawyer to be firm with you as well – if you tell them to take your ex-partner to the cleaners, they may well advise against it.
To return to the main contents of lindsays life issue 17, please click here.
