Separated? Divorced? Keeping everyone happy when splitting time with kids over holiday periods can be tricky to manage. Here are our top tips on navigating your way to a merry Christmas for all.
Two parents living apart. Two different homes. Two sets of presents – isn’t that the bonus? When it comes to Christmas for children of separated parents, two lots of presents simply won’t make up for the stress of feeling pulled in all directions at a time when their happiness is meant to be top of the agenda. The key to giving your kids the best time over the festive period is planning contact arrangements in advance and amicably with their best interest at heart.
"Holidays, particularly Christmas, put extra pressures on all families, even more so when parents no longer live together. Children can get caught in the middle, making what should be a happy time, completely miserable."
Parents need to take a grown-up approach, putting fair, child focused and sensible arrangements in place.
Plan ahead
Start communication with your ex-partner as early as you can. This helps everyone get their heads around what is a difficult transition from Christmases past. It will also avoid last minute disagreements when there may not be time to fully consider possible alternative arrangements.
Consider past family traditions - maybe there will have to be compromises or new traditions? There is no legal default position on contact at Christmas except that those arrangements should be in the best interests of your children.
There is no legal default position on contact at Christmas except that those arrangements should be in the best interests of your children.
"If parents are able to talk in advance it can help lessen the heat and emotion associated with spending time with your children at this time of year."
Ask the children
Christmas is essentially about the kids. If children are older, perhaps a parent can tactfully ascertain what they would like to do over the festive period. Is seeing both parents on Christmas Day important to them? Would they prefer to spend Christmas Day with one parent and Boxing Day with the other? However, parents have to be careful that they don’t put stress on the children to express a preference for one parent.
If the children are keen to have slices of Christmas Day together with both of their parents, it’s important to look at the practicalities of that. Assess travel times and the implications of bad weather conditions. No-one can afford to lose sight of the fact that the welfare and wellbeing of your children, at what should be one of the happiest times of year for them, is the most important thing.
Look at the bigger picture
Be empathetic. Be sensible. Christmas is not a time for one-upmanship over your ex - be that in time spent with the kids or number (or size) of gifts given.
Don’t forget, there are other big days in the annual calendar requiring separated parents to cooperate such as birthdays, Easter and the summer holidays. Could it be helpful to think of the year as a whole and divvy up these significant dates so that your children get to spend a spread of special times with each parent across 12 months?
Nina Taylor, Partner, Family Law
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