Sunday 15 March 2015 is Mothers’ Day which may throw up issues about the best way to handle family-type celebrations after divorce. It’s not unusual for separated parents to agree that the children will spend alternate Christmases with Mum and Dad or that the school holidays will be divided. Yet, sometimes other celebrations are overlooked.
Where there is an agreed timetable for both parents to spend time with the children problems can crop up over occasions like Mothers’ Day, if the children are due to be with Dad, rather than Mum on the day itself. Ideally arrangements should be flexible enough to enable the usual routine to be varied to allow for something different to happen. It’s rarely in the children’s interests for Mum or Dad to insist on sticking rigidly to a pattern of contact.
Forward planning is important, as is keeping in mind that whatever you do is for the children, not for your ex. That means approaching occasions like Mothers’s Day (and likewise Father’s Day) with consideration and helping the children, especially little ones, to buy a card or present for their Mother. Children often feel that they can’t ask one parent to do things like that because they think that they have to “take sides” so it is important to make it easy for them.
There might be a new Step Mum or Dad in the picture, making things even more complicated for the children involved. They might also feel different from their peers, or even that the sort of celebrations that traditional families have aren’t for them anymore so may need reassurance.
Making sure that the logistics of contact arrangements and buying cards or gifts are agreed can be important in helping them to cope with this sort of family celebration.
Like everything to do with parenting when apart, communication is key. A breakdown in communication is often at the root of the problems which caused the divorce in the first place, so it shouldn’t be any surprise that communicating after divorce can be tricky.
Some families are able to manage the way that the children divide their time between the parents without making detailed plans, but many do need some structure or “scaffolding” to make sure everyone knows what is happening when.
If you need any advice about contact issues, separation agreements or anything else to do with parenting apart please contact our Family Law team.
